Shock and Awe

Since Dad's funeral, I've begun to understand what is referred to as the grief cycle. There has been sadness, depression, anger, fear, doubt, you name an emotion and I've been through it. I remember the feeling of being in shock. If you came to Dad's wake or funeral or saw me at any point that week I was in a complete state of shock. The funny thing was I knew I was in shock. I didn't know that was possible.

I found myself thinking, "I'm going to be in a lot of trouble when the shock wears off and reality sets in." Guess what?

I was right!

I can't really pinpoint an exact moment when it happened but I do remember thinking that I just wanted to stay in bed all day. I didn't want to face it or the day, but fortunately that wasn't an option for me. I had to get up and take care of business. However, I did start to think and this question popped into my head...

...How many times in one life do we wish we could simply pull the blanket over our head and forget our problems exist?

Did a number pop into your head? I saw the sign for infinity because its happened a lot.

During one of my long voyages between Mom's in Midway and my grandmother's in Purvis, my mind was overloaded with one thought on my mind. And like so many others, something my Dad told me ended up being a major part of the thought process.

He told me this story one time a long time ago. It was before my teenage years. I may have been in single digits because I remember having nightmares about it. Dad told me about this dream he was having. He was walking through the woods. They were beautiful. He felt like he was exactly where he needed to be and then he came upon this river and saw the land on the other side. It was even more beautiful and more breathtaking than his current surroundings. He knew he had to ge there. That was where he was meant to be. He searched for a bridge that would take him to the other side, and when he finally found one he began to run across.

But he was soon frozen in his tracks. Because as he crossed the bridge he noticed that he wasn't the only one there. There was another figure standing about teen feet before the landing on the other side. Dad stopped because he was afraid. The figure was solid black and smoky and Dad knew it was pure evil. In his words, "I knew Satan himself was standing there between me and where I needed to be."

He stood there for what seemed like hours just staring at this evil before him. He didn't know what to do, but he knew there were only two options. He could turn around and go back to where he had already been, but that meant turning his back to the devil who he feared would attack him or he could step forward and face the devil and got to the land he knew he had to go too.

Dad made his choice. He told me that every step he took felt like a million pounds of pressure and that the fear continually increased. But finally, he was face to face with the devil and with all his strength he said, "God says I'm supposed to be over there and you can't stop me."

The devilish figure disappeared and that is when Dad said he woke up. Now you can interpret that dream several different ways, but let me share with you how its affected me in the last week. I think God was trying to tell Dad that not all obstacles in the road are from Him. Some obstacles are thrown in our path by Satan himself, but what is important to remember is there is no obstacle that God can't handle no matter who put it there.

When there is something in life worth fighting for obstacles are going to appear. It is in these times that we find out the true character of a person. Will you face your fear/the devil and march to your destiny or will you simply turn your back and leave it wide open for an attack?

Life Lesson Four

So it's Father's Day, but I don't have a Dad anymore. I don't understand how this happened, and to say that I am in disbelief is an understatement. In fact, I'm angry. I just don't know who I'm angry with. Dad would be so mad at me for using this example, but I wish I could to that Harry Potter trick where you pull a memory out of your head so you don't have to remember it anymore. That's what I would do to get rid of yesterday.

I know it's all part of the grief cycle: disbelief, confusion, anger, etc...but it doesn't make it any easier. The number of things I wish I had said or wish I had asked him are astronomical. The number of times I have thought about the fact he will never meet my children haunts me. The number of times I wish I had been "less of a man" and told my dad I loved him is something I can never take back.

But you can. Please, if for no other reason than you are seeing what we are going through, take this Father's Day to not just hand your Dad a tie or a gift certificate, but actually tell them how much you love them.

Trust me, you never know when you won't get that chance again.

Life Lesson Three

Who says you can't put a major event like a blood drive together in three days? Obviously they have not met my sister, Kacey. I have to give credit where its due. Within hours of discovering Dad would need several units of blood over the next month, she had the needed commitments to start the blood drive, and by the end of the day over 400 invitations had been emailed to friends and family.

Two weeks ago, 67 of those people attended the blood drive and 47 were able to donate. No one was more surprised than the people from united Blood Services who didn't think we would get 20 units during the whole day. They obviously don't know about the power of prayer and my sister's determination.

I can't sound like I'm any better though because if I'm being honest I never would have thought so many people would be responsive to my dad's illness. For the first week dad was in the hospital we were giving him hourly reports on how many people were members of the "Prayers for Dannon" facebook group. I distinctly remember telling him that over 100 people had signed up stating they would pray for him. He seemed very overwhelmed with all the support, so you can imagine his reaction when the number of group members rose to more than 200, and then more than 300 people. To say our family is grateful just isn't enough.

Dad had us go through and tell him who everyone on the list was. Some were mom's friends she shows horses with, some Kacey's friends from school or work in Birmingham or my friends from work, school, or Disney, and then some who none of us know, which is the most humbling of all. It was like a walk down memory lane for all of us, and even if it was only for a moment, we forgot about the leukemia.

So, let me take this opportunity to thank all of you on behalf of my family. Your prayers are what is getting us through this. Please keep them coming. Your prayers have been felt by every member of my family. We love you all and we Thank God for you, your love, and your support!

Life Lesson Two

If there is one lesson that I have learned in the few weeks its this: I HATE MOVING! There is absolutely nothing fun about it. the packing is horrible, the moving is tedious, and when you finally get to the new location and think it is all over reality strikes. Remember all those boxes you packed? Yeah, now we've got to unpack them all.

The whole process can be infuriating. This time, during the seventh move since high school, things seemed much worse. In every previous move I always had my dad and my grandfather to help me. With my dad in the hospital, and my grandfather's death last October, I felt really alone preparing for this one.

Enter my boys from the debate team. In the spectrum of moving you need some muscle to get the big stuff out. I knew I couldn't do it alone. Fortunately, God supplied help for my need. Four of my students came over and in one afternoon we had all of my stuff moved to my new home. So, to Daniel, William, Wade, and Sean, I am deeply grateful for your help and willingness to give up a Saturday during the summer to help out a teacher that needed it. Not very many students would do that, and I appreciate it so much.

The random act of kindness that my boys gave to me got me thinking about all the random acts that have been presented to our family since my dad found out he had leukemia. People that we have not seen or spoken to in years calling to offer their prayers and willing to do whatever they could to help us.

Through all of this it has been evident to everyone in my family how much impact we have on people we come in contact with every day. Just in the last few weeks I have been reconnected with old friends from high school and college, have been comforted by complete strangers, and have gone from feeling helpless to knowing that the people in our lives will take care of my family.

Just because we disconnect from each other because of life's obstacles doesn't mean we stop caring for each other. Those friendships and relationships are still there just not in your direct line of vision. My challenge to you is to reconnect with an old friend. Just like my boys did by helping me during their summer vacation, you never know how the reconnect could change both of your lives. Make a difference for each other every day. Remember you may not be the one that "needs" the prayer and connection right now (but neither did I a month ago). Keep friends close. You never know what is waiting for you around the corner.

Reminder

Okay, this isn't a blog as much as it is a reminder, but it's really important.

This Sunday (June 7, 2009), we are having a blood drive at Midway First Baptist Church in Sumrall, MS for my dad.  The blood drive will be between the hours of 1-6 pm.  Please, if you can give blood come and make a donation.  Not only does my dad need the credits to help with the cost, but summer is the time of the year when the United Blood Services has the least amount of donations.

Midway FBC is located off of Highway 98 West.  Drive past Bellevue and turn before Oloh.  There is a Church sign next to the road you should turn on.  For those of you that love your GPS systems the address is as follows:

Midway First Baptist Church

77 Midway Church Road

Sumrall, MS 39482

Come help us by giving the gift that keeps on giving.  Help someone by giving them the gift of life.

Keep the SON in your eyes,

Shane Cole

Life Lesson #1 - Why are you Here?

My Dad and I think a lot alike in some ways and in some ways we couldn't be more different.  I was pretty sure that when the chemo started flowing through his veins it would make him weak, but instead he has sat up in bed sharing stories and teaching the Bible to everyone that has come in the room.

When it was just Mom and I with Dad today he told us about the conversation he had with God after finding out that he had leukemia.  He said that he knew God could and would heal him, but it was the response from God that made him sit up and take notice.  He said that God responded, "Danny, I do not doubt that you believe I have the power to heal you.  In fact, I know you have the faith that I will, but my question to you is why should I?"

It was then, as my Dad said, that he realized that the fact that God can heal us isn't the issue.  It is whether he should heal us.  In other words, what are we doing for God that gives Him a reason to keep us here?  What are we doing to enhance God's kingdom?

But just when I thought "Dad's Sermon" was over (and if you've ever heard him preach you know he can be very entertaining), the nurses came in to check on him.  They  got to talking about children and discipline (which by the way Dad has written a great explanation based on his Bible study that I hope to get to share with everyone).  Dad ended up talking about Elijah running through the wilderness trying to save himself from the evil Jezebel.  He finally found a dark and secluded cave that he knew he could hide in.  Elijah constantly told God that he was the only one God had to preach to his people.  God responded with "why are you here?"

Elijah said again, (btw, excuse my paraphrasing of the Bible) "God you have to protect me.  I'm all you have here."  God again answered, "Elijah, what are you doing here?"  Again, Elijah got upset and talked back to God and once again he responded, "Elijah, what are you doing HERE?"

Finally Elijah realized what God meant.  He wanted to know why he was hiding up in a cave instead of ministering to his people and standing up to Jezebel.

In Dad's words, the minute you think you are more important to God than others, he'll prove how unimportant you are.  Dad said, "show me a man who lacks humility, and I'll show you a man who is good for nothing."  We are on this Earth to be servants and ministers for God, yet we constantly come up with excuses as to why that is not possible.

I've been thinking about this all day, and it's really struck me how much I need to apply this to my life.  We all get so busy and think that we can't slow down and we don't have time to do things we should be doing, but we need to realize that if we don't give God the time he asks us for, he can easily take it from us in his own way.

There are so many ways to give God time.  Think about how you can spend some one-on-one time with Him.

UPDATE ON DAD

Day One of chemo is completed and starting day two with a double dose for the next 72 hours.  

Spirits are high.  God is great and so many lessons are being learned by everyone involved.

Remember to keep the SON in your eyes,

Shane Cole